


i always find the most creative ways to destroy myself

by vinndetta



Series: universe jumping [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: :(((, Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad, Unrequited Love, Wanna cry, actually we're not sure, but its sad, dan please, dan thinks it is but it might not be, daniel avidaniel how could you, i dont know what im doing, if u were looking for that then sorry oop, ig, leigh daniel avidan you take that back, sex is implied so i put mature but theres no actual smut or details, space/time travel, universe jumping, up to interpretation, yikes dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 05:04:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinndetta/pseuds/vinndetta
Summary: Dan doesn't remember which memories are his and aren't his.





	i always find the most creative ways to destroy myself

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [It's Time To Go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16523654) by [appalachianemo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/appalachianemo/pseuds/appalachianemo). 



> title credits:  
> undo  
> by transviolet
> 
> i don't know why i did this. uhmmm yea h .
> 
> I liked this story (the one that i said inspired me). Time travel shit and dimension/universe hopping. Wild. 
> 
> Have some sad moments now. :'(

Dan doesn't remember the last time he had an actual dream for once. He wants a normal dream, where he can imagine traveling through space with all of his friends and encountering aliens. He'd even take a dream about sharks over all of this random bullshit that started happening out of nowhere. He doesn't like this, the pain of trying to remember what is real and what isn't real.

How do you deal with something that is you, and yet isn't you at the same time? This Dan that he becomes when he's unconscious in his bed is real, isn't it? But did alternate universes really exist, or is this a extremely cruel trick of his brain? He hates that he keeps seeing this life that he knows he'll never have, because he was unfortunate enough to be in this universe instead.

Every day, Dan wakes up and reminds himself that Arin Hanson is very straight, he is very much not and still closeted, and he's not in love with his best friend.

On the worse days, Dan's brain reminds him that the last one is a lie.

-

It's the same place he ends up in all the time, an unfamiliar house, in a bed that doesn't belong to him.

Sometimes Arin is there at his side when Dan wakes up, sometimes not. Arin plays a big part in these fake memories. In this place, the two of them have been married for a couple years, living in this house. Game Grumps is a less regular thing now, and NSP and Starbomb are still a huge thing. Suzy is the best friend in this scenario. 

Dan doesn't know when this started, or how long it's been since he's experienced this. It feels a long time, though. He knows this place well, the intricacies of his relationships with their friends.

Well, by now, the house has become familiar, and he realizes that sometimes he subconsciously feels as if this bed really was his.

That's a thing to think about later, as he feels Arin's lips press against his again.

-

Dan wakes up, faintly feeling kisses all over his face.

When he calls in sick, voice sore from all the crying, he's not sure if anyone could tell.

-

He's starting to question what the point of all of this is. Is this some cruel joke of the universe? To let him experience the thing that he's wanted for years?

He remembers meeting Arin for the first time, and the feeling that erupted within him. He remembers all the fun they had together, and Dan feels terrible for not feeling grateful just being able to know this amazing man. Instead, he wants more, needs more from his friend. He wants Arin to give him something that he could never give willingly and meaningfully. Arin loves Suzy, and Suzy loves Arin, and Dan loves the two of them more than anything. Dan considers the two of them his best friends. He could never betray them, wouldn't want to tear them apart. Dan knows their love is pure, so how could he ever get between that?

Why'd he have to go and fall in love with Arin Hanson anyway?

-

Dan sleeps a lot more lately. Barry makes a joke about stress and overworking, but Dan doesn't comment on it.

-

Arin presses him against the wall, and Dan lets out a moan in repsonse.

They've had sex several times in this universe, and Dan has to say, Arin really doesn't disappoint. Every cry of _god, yes_ and _please, fuck, Arin, more_ are drawn out of Dan with every touch.

Arin's touches are magical, and Dan melts under every single one of them. When they're joined together, every thrust makes Dan feel like he's in heaven. Dan loves this Arin, the conscientious lover who he manages to snag in this place. 

If Arin passes out afterwards and Dan cries himself softly to sleep to the point where he wakes up with tear trails down his face, no one really has to know, right?

-

Arin approaches him, wondering if everything's okay and why Dan's been ignoring him outside of recording sessions. 

Dan suppresses the urge to move forward to kiss the other man passionately.

-

Dan doesn't know which one is real anymore. The time he spends in the other universe seems to last a full day now, so he jumps back and forth between the universes.

Every other day, he has to suppress the urge to kiss Arin, to tell him that he loves him (full homo). Then he goes back and he doesn't have to hide his affection for the man whatsoever.

How do you go from pretending not to be in love with your best friend to openly loving your husband without making things awkward?

-

Dan accidentially shoves Arin away in confusion in the wrong universe. Arin mutters something about just wanting a kiss, walking out of the room before Dan can find the words to ask him to come back and that he was sorry.

Dan can't afford to make this mistake again.

-

Arin finds out too late, attempting to call Dan when he's on a plane already halfway to New York.

-

Dan arrives in New York, ignoring the missed call notifications on his phone. He doesn't have a plan. All he wants is to leave behind his past life, tainted by this new universe. He wanrs to disappear from the public eye, doesn't mind becoming another JonTron story.

All he has are the memories of another life, experiencing for himself through his dreams a life where his old best friend loves him unconditionally.

**Author's Note:**

> please kudos/comment if you like this! i might write an alternate ending but who knows. love you guys!
> 
> edit: ayy y'all i wrote an alternate ending, but it's from arin's pov. click next on the series 'universe jumping' to read it!
> 
> im vinndetta on tumblr, @ me if you wanna talk about memes or game grumps or music i guess.


End file.
